I’m not scared. I’m not ashamed of myself..of my inner self. The feelings initiated when I was 14 or 15. And I was like, threw that thought away from my mind. But then I encountered it again when I was 17. This time, I let myself to embrace that feeling for a minute or so, but then again, I decided to throw away that thought, that feeling.
Well, I’m wrong. The thoughts did go away. But the feelings don’t. And I am stupid for not realizing that the feelings had been there for a while now..
For those who know me, they would also know that my family is very similar to those families in ‘drama swasta’ , yang ada macam-macam perangai and problems tu. And they could see that I am the only one in the family (parents excluded, siblings only) who doesn’t have ‘poop’ or big/dirty secret.
But really, right now, I think I have the biggest poop ever. Wait, nope. Not ‘I think..’, but I know…and I’m very sure of it. I don’t expect people to accept me for the way I am, nor do I want them to comprehend or give full support. I can’t prevent people from saying things behind my back.
But kamonlah beb, mind your own business lah kan. Malaysians ni suka sangat jaga tepi kain orang. Kain sendiri yang terkoyak, tak nampak plak kan. Duhhh~
Whatever lah. Suka hati korang nak cakap apa. I don’t give a damn, I just don’t.